Why do I feel so bad and how do I fix this?
Let me see if I can give you some background without writing a novel. I met him on the personals ads. He was so warm and fun, effusive and embracing. A successful man, divorced, so ready and eager to give me his information and more importantly his heart. Though it was a long distance start, we had great plans. He bought an engagement ring and was going to give it to me over Valentine’s Day.
In the meantime, I noticed a couple of postings on Craigslist, which seemed just like him. When I asked, he responded with, “yes, those are mine…I was testing to see if you were reading them”. Now ordinarily I’m not an idiot but wow, he was just so convincing and told me repeatedly how much he loves me. So my natural suspicions were put on the back burner.
Fast forward to Valentine’s week: He arrives!! Yes he did, he arrived and I picked him up at the airport! Guess what…….he’s not warm and effusive anymore. Not one declaration of love, not a whole lot of embracing, nada. So I asked him what was up and his response? “I spoke with a counselor friend and she suggested I leave the ring home, get to know you for the week, and then come back in two weeks”. Now, does that sound right to you? Why did he buy the ring in the first place, and why did he bring it with him and why on earth did he tell me he brought it? (I know he did… he told me he did). The very first day he was here, he wanted to go spend time at a local casino. Two additional times he did the same thing, for hours at a time. I asked him if he was disappointed in me, if I wasn’t what he expected… his response was that he was getting to know me. Now, how can that happen if he’s busy playing poker at the casino?
The ending… well, we went to the comedy club and had a few drinks. I ended up getting pretty tipsy and flat out accusing him of not liking me. To which his response was…to leave. Yes, he flew home early. In the middle of the night, he packed his luggage and left.
I know this sounds like a horror story. I feel like I’ve been through the ringer with this. I spent all these months getting to know someone who was barely interested in friendship when it was face to face- other than of course, those private and intimate moments which still weren’t beautiful.
Can you shed some light for me? Can you tell me what happened? I’ve gone over and over it… and the only thing I can come up with is that he just wasn’t attracted to me in real life. He wouldn’t tell me goodbye, he wouldn’t even tell me why. The last thing he said to me was, “You’re crazy” and then walked out. I just don’t understand where he could come up with that- and please, if any of you can shed some light, I would really appreicate it. I guess I’d like some closure or at least something. Why would he be so angry, and why would he walk out? Why wouldn’t he talk to me. I’m confused and hurt… can anyone help me to understand, please?
whoa whoa calm down. you sound like you’re beating yourself up over this pretty bad.
now I’m not a mind reader, but it sounded like he wasn’t interested in you after all. but wait…this is not the end of the world.
I know you have spent months getting to know that guy but you MUST move on. he has moved on and so should you.
with every disappointment, something should be learned. I would advise you to next time, try to meet a potential partner in REAL LIFE. this was doomed from the start and I think you knew that but you were hoping for a miracle. take your time, brush yourself off, and keep your hopes alive for meeting someone. first step: forget about that loser.